5 months and 16 days took me to sit down in front of the blank Word page and starting to write this post.
5 months and 16 days took me to realize that I really should continue writing my blog, not only for world travellers, 3rd culture kids but actually for myself.
5 months, without 16 days took me to get my shit together and be present now, not yesterday or tomorrow "what if" .
From the beginning, I left Barcelona, moved back to Amsterdam where I continue my studies, had some more and less stressful moments, parties which I wish I did not remember and met people whom I did not give enough time. The third part will be in today's post.
Giving each other time, understanding, talking without judgment, being present here and now.
Be focused on others more than yourself.
Remember the old days when you had eye contact during a conversation? When everyone wasn't looking down at a device in theirs hands? We've become so focused on that tiny screen that we forget the big picture, the people right in front of us.
We become so egocentric that we do not realize how many things are around us and how many people are in need. No, not poor people who ask you for a coin or cigarettes on a street but people with who you live and share your life. It may be anyone, your best friend, parent, sibling, neighbor, partner, colleague.. you name it.
Everyday we pass by people, who do good, who give us energy to live and who love us. Unfortunately we are focused too much on our lives that we create an excuse “ I do not have time” in order to not help someone else or to not give our expensive time to someone, who may need it more than us.
Being busy is nothing bad, being busy keeps us away from sinning, being lazy or in general from doing bad things. But have you wondered recently if your friends are all right ? I mean, all right.. not ok. ? Have you wondered that sometimes doing small good things may bring you double positive energy, which you may need now more than sth else? Have you wondered that sometimes skipping instagram, snapchat or facebook for next 20 minutes in a tram will be more valuable than scrolling down the screen? Maybe in that moment ,when you will not be focused so much on yourself will realize the world around you and people who may need your sit in a tram. Maybe you will realize a friend who tries to tell you something very important but you are too busy with your stories that you cannot realize an important message in his/her eyes ?
One thing, do you know why you never remember a name said for the first time? When you are introducing to someone new, both hands shake, smile is exchanged but there is a moment after 2 seconds which asks you “ what was her/his name ?? “
I may not discover America now but I will tell you why,
Because you are focused too much on HOW you are going to tell YOUR name that you do NOT listen what other person says.
Fair enough ? cool, because this simple example does not apply only for introducing yourself but also on everyday conversations.
People who know me they know that I am very talkative person, that I just love to speak and I love to have all this attention on me. Because I am also aware of these things so made an exercise with myself, it was like a training my personality.
I made an appointment with a friend I did not know longer than 3 months. Because we are still new to each other, there are plenty of topics to be discussed, there are plenty of stuff to be done. But no, I said to myself that today everything is going to be about her. The conversation started very simple, about recent stories with a partner, break ups, coming back, work, school, living - Everyday things. The trick I used while talking with her for first 30 minutes was that I was not interrupting her, I was listening without even nodding, without using AHA, OK, YES, WHAT THEN…
She felt that I am really listening to what she would like to say and because I was not interrupting- she was talking more and more and started to share with me things, I did not expect from our simple afternoon meeting. She was talking more, expressing emotions, asking herself about what she want and I was just listening, trying in a meanwhile to ask her questions, instead of judging*
*( judging- everything can be judged by telling your opinion, which is not always necessary or asked).
I wont tell you what happened next or what did she share with me but I will tell you what would have changed if I did not remain silence.
By starting with Hi, how are you? Everyone tells things, happenings, recent stories. Everyone would like to share with as many things as possible or sometimes people just want to talk bullshit to feel better. But then only YOU decide about the quality of the conversation. I am not saying that it always has to be about “life and dead”, of course not, giggling laughing and looking at each other is even more my style than anything else but what I am trying to tell you today is to focus sometimes on someone else rather than yourself.
We need to be smarter than our smart phones and realize the people we are with are more important than the people we aren't with, and way more important than the strangers we hope will tweet,snap and like and share and Instagram whatever we're sending out into the cybersphere.
Have you wondered recently that you did not give enough attention to your friends but to someone else, who did not appreciate* it?
*appreciate it- I changed this word from d e s e r v e . in my opinion there is nothing we have granted from life and this is not like we deserve something or not. It is only our work, which then will pay us off or not.
Have you wondered recently that you did not smile enough, laugh enough, spend spare time in a park instead a bar?
Did you thank your friend for being for you while you did not care about anything else but your problems?
Do you know when was the last time you dropped your friend at the airport, bought your gf flowers without any occasion or invited your friend for a dinner just because you are friends and there is always sth to celebrate?
Its always a good time to say thank you or I am sorry. Don’t postpone it, because there is always someone who is important to you.
"if you want to see a miracle, you have to be a miracle". - Regina Brett
one last thing, a commercial video from YT, which moved me a bit. enjoy
YT video -> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7dLU6fk9QY <- click
with L O V E