Is following the crowd the thing you really want ?

This night (as usually during nights), I was thinking carefully about my thoughts and I came to the conclusion that I may repeat myself from time to time. Please, forgive me if you ever noticed that but sometimes I cant control my “powerful thoughts”. First I do not want to sound as a crazy feminist, who I am not. Second, I have this need inside me to spread more wisdom, so not to give life advices  but open people eyes on things they are too much attached to or they too scared to leave their past behind them. In the last post I was writing about this ‘trend’ of  (not) being in a relationship, but today I would like to add something more to that.

Especially in the young age, in which I am now 22-30 years old, people tend to settle down, finish their studies, find a perfect matching job, start earning money in order to save for their future, which brings most of the time family. We are born with an idea to complete this scheme and be happy. But what happens, when we realize that after completing this scheme we are not happy enough? What if we want something else from life? What if we have different role to play in our life? I think everyone has this moment in the middle of studies that we have to figure out what kind of internship we want to do, where, how, now? What if we just would like to be extraordinary and do not follow the crowd? I am not saying that ‘ following the crowd’ is a bad thing. In my opinion, Following the crowd means that we do what is a ‘good thing’ to do... like again, 1. Completing studies, find a good job, find a good husband and have a family. Most of women just dream about it but I am not this kind of person.

It seems like this summer was one of my pre-last student summers in my life. That is why I was thinking what I will expect from the next summer, last 2 months of dolce far niente in my life. Travel the world? Spend some time with family? Volunteering?

I don’t know but for sure I will have to do something, which I will remember till the rest of my life, like going to India to monastery and a silent weeks.

Why did I bring up this summer example? Because this is the best example of being pushed to do something “ extraordinary” in our lives.. Knowing, that it will be probably your last student summer, what would you do? Probably half of you would say“ go to Ibiza and party all weeks long”, another half would say “ I don’t have a plan and any willing to think what will happen in one year”.

Nowadays, people follow the crowd, however they still think that they do something extraordinary and they are unique. People still want to believe in eternal happiness, which always includes money, as everyone wants to get rich, have a family and just an amazing life. But the question now is,

A R E   W E   R E A D Y  F O R    A   C H A N G E ?

In order to change our life…?

With all that plans we make, do we realize that in order to change something in our life, we have to get rid of the past? Or is the past creating the future?

Again, coming back to my last post. People are very easily attached to another person, which makes it almost impossible to leave, change and forget. But why would we hang on someone, who does not appreciate us? Why do we always need to relay on someone, in any terms( friendship, partnership) ? Why cant we think that everything we do, all the choices we make are only depend on us? I said before that we became very selfish and we stopped caring about the other person, but.. why not in this topic? Why cant we leave the past, face it and agree that we do not own anything anyone? That is okay to leave and be by our own !? If we do not like it, we can just leave, close one chapter in order to open a new one? Believe me, I know it hurts very much but by only non stop trying we become the best of ourselves.

As talking about following the crowd, it always scary me when I see unhappy couples, who are together because they share past, moments, its too difficult to break such an ‘amazing’ relation and in older age- children. But the question is, Who are you living for? You have one life, which you have to use and try everything in order to not regret anything. Why would you be so dependent on someone? Why can’t we create a better world by doing good and share good with only the closest relatives and friends? Why is it so hard for us to feel lonely for a bit? It is at the beginning, but then we realize that it actually made us stronger.

I was wondering for the last 2 years, when I got out from this teenage stage

“why don’t I have a bf ?” what is wrong with me?

Then during my internship I met a very old Polish friend with who I went on a party. Of course alcohol sometimes does not help but in this time, it actually broaden my mind. I asked him this question, tipsy, in a party mood and I did not expect any real answer. Nevertheless we started to talk and I will always remember what he said. Please, allow me to quote him

“ Natalia, when I see you, I see such a strong woman, such a strong personality that I am not sure who is able to handle it  (unconsciously). Hearing your life story from the moment you introduce yourself, that you are a world citizen who has been raised abroad. You left to Colombia by yourself when you were 15, when your peers are probably having their first beer in their life but you were “fighting” for life. To be honest, I am not sure who is able to handle that positivity and confidence. But when I see you later, I talk to you, you are the most fragile person I know”

After 10 months of digesting this conversation with my friend I came to the conclusion that everyone has its own mission in life.  Someone is born to make people happy by selling ice creams, someone is born to be a CEO of a big company like Apple, so I can now use my Mac to write this post, and other people, and I feel like I belong to that group is born to open some people eyes on reality. I am not writing anything you do not know, but I am writing something to remind you about that, which you may forget in your busy life.

From ex to sex

To my dearest J 

From ex to sex

Last night I thought about what it takes to make a relationship for to death.

More singles have more long term success with friends so maybe it is a better strategy to marry your friend? Whoever in the absence of sex whether that’s the arrangement or just what happens after few years? What distinguishes this companion for the many other companions ? When it comes to saying I DO , is it a relationship or relationship based on friendship without fireworks ?

 I have never talked about relationships here. Not because I don’t do relationships but because I did not feel like there is a point for a post like this.

Till now.

Well, it wont be anything private but something very open with a lot of open questions you can ask yourself. People talk about it over and over again and because I also talk to my girls a LOT and I write it in caps because I really do it a L O T. Especially girls have a tendency to exaggerate things, especially when it comes to love and guys. I also noticed that many people define happiness by love and by sharing it with other person. What does it mean? That we can’t be truly happy when we don’t have a match? What makes us think about finishing studies and getting married next years? Is the society we live in force us or maybe we believe in eternal happiness with a second half ?

We can ask these questions over and over but maybe we are the new bachelors ? For sure in this world relationships are put on a second place after a perfect job. Why is that? Are we insecure about it so much that we prefer not to face it but we still can talk about it during every lunch meeting? Or how come that over the centuries we care less and less about other people? Are the break ups so painful that we close ourselves for another person? Or maybe it is just comfortable to be just selfish and love yourself more than others? If not, then what is a reason? In my opinion, break ups are awful and they are private and they are not necessary symptomatic of what two people had together. It also can refer to friendship, when it ends. I did not personally lose the real friends but when it comes to, it feels like a break up as you may not see that person anymore. When something bad pops up in our life we have a tendency to close for others and to overexaggerate the entire situation in order to feel a bit better about that ourselves.

The truth is in any given moment someone somewhere could nagging a face about you but it’s the reviews you give yourself that matter. After every situation you face, which involves at least two people together.  People feel guilty about almost all things they do. Starting with very basic like eating too much carbs, finishing with a life matters. Why is that? In my opinion we always want to give the best impression of ourselves. Which is a good thing until we wont mess up. People don’t want to do something here for what they will be sorry later. This plays a very big role in dating. Recently I read an article about this modern dating, which finishes with “ I don’t know what I want for now” . This sentence actually replaced the old saying  “ its not you, its me”.

Coming back to “ from ex to sex”, my feeling about dating now is very negative. Why is that? Because there is no longer things you wait for. Do you remember a first kiss after second date? Do you remember when you really had to wait to meet that person in life or waiting for an sms or call back? Now we live in this modern social media life, what about I was writing before. Hooking ups became a very casual things, especially in Europe( or maybe everywhere?) I am not saying I am different but I realize the fact that it really bothers me, which also makes my focus more on school, family and friends.. which in result cause no real interest about other sex as it always finishes the same. After dating someone for few weeks we realize that in that little time (even during first 4 weeks) you already know your life stories, you already had an intimacy and you have nothing to wait for. Am I right? Well in most cases it is like this. I think that because we started to underestimate ourselves as for example we stopped celebrate things, which we did before. Achieving something you have been working for last half year doesn’t satisfy you by the end because it just happened, you just completed your thing. Why is that strangers need to remind you about your great success, which you don’t see anymore?