Put your oxygen mask first, then everyone else will feel easier to breath around you.

My soul has tendency of overanalyzing and overthinking of everything and everyone I pass. Very often I am focused on unkind comments from strangers, on friends who disappointed me, on people who do not care, on things I could have done better or on a future, which may bring many consequences based on my current behavior.  Then, like today, I am asking myself what can happen if my soul can love everything I do. What will happen if I could love people I am used to dislike or people who hurt before ? What will happen if I could just see good in people and try to get the best out of them? In every minute of your life you could have your special zoom+ mirror, which will search only  for positive aspects of people’ behavior… What would you do with it? Imagine you see only good in your boss, your colleague, team member, your neighbor, who puts loud music on Sunday evening. Imagine you see only good in your partner, in your roommate, in your annoying younger or older sibling…imagine you see only good in your illness or when you are fired or… in a pregnancy test, which gave you the result you didn’t expect. What will happen if you would see only good in every aspect of your life, which seem dead.. like the job you hate, the relationship you want to get out from, the exam, which you still can not pass after the 3^rd time… What will you do if you will finally understand that all you do, how you think, what you give… only depend on you? You need to decide how you want to think and if you are happy with it. We all do everything the same. We all work, worry, love, want to have great holidays and great people around. The difference is H O W we do it.

No one is actually listening to the cabin crew who always say the same thing

“ Put on your own oxygen mask before helping those around you “.

For me this sentence has a deeper meaning as if you don’t help yourself first, you cannot save anyone around you. The same applies to real life situations. How would you like to help others, in any matter, if you do not take care of yourself? Can it happen that you are always available for everyone, on call ? You are always available to help others, before you actually think of yourself. I am not an exception. I always try to help other in studying, finding jobs, taking people out, talking, solving some real problems. Sometimes I do these things and cancel my own plans as I find my friends more important than myself. But I bet that I am not the only one. How can you see good in others if you do not take care of yourself? How can you help others if you are exhausted and get annoyed by everything, which surrounds you. ( True that all women have their PMS but I really do not want to compare these days to others J )  How can you change it? What should you do in order to put on your own oxygen mask before helping those around you?

First, agree with yourself. Let it be an official allowance to take care of yourself as you are the only one responsible for that, no one else. After following a mindfulness course I allowed myself to create a list, to which I will stick everyday, no matter how busy I am.

Oh, by the way, “ I am too busy” is not an excuse. For literally nothing

1.     Take care of myself – stop taking responsibilities, which aren’t yours. Stop being so much for others that by the end of the day you do not have any energy for yourself

2.     Give yourself 5 minutes- take your 5 minutes to chill, to relax and to breath when stress just took over your body. Reset. Sit down. The more chilled you will be, the better decisions you will make. Trust me, these 5 minutes without your phone, computer and your thoughts will make you feel better and world will not disappear without you.

3.     Take what is yours- don’t give anyone a remote control to your feelings. Stop with excuses “ this guy makes me crazy”. Take your remote and press “ chill”. You do not have any influence on what other people do but you have an influence on what you do and how actually you think.

4.     Create a list with things for what you are grateful for- for example when you are stuck in traffic, look around and think how lucky you are to be inside the car/bus when other people have to walk in rain

Try to imagine that you love yourself as much as all people around you.

Put your oxygen mask first, then everyone else will feel easier to breath around you.

Is following the crowd the thing you really want ?

This night (as usually during nights), I was thinking carefully about my thoughts and I came to the conclusion that I may repeat myself from time to time. Please, forgive me if you ever noticed that but sometimes I cant control my “powerful thoughts”. First I do not want to sound as a crazy feminist, who I am not. Second, I have this need inside me to spread more wisdom, so not to give life advices  but open people eyes on things they are too much attached to or they too scared to leave their past behind them. In the last post I was writing about this ‘trend’ of  (not) being in a relationship, but today I would like to add something more to that.

Especially in the young age, in which I am now 22-30 years old, people tend to settle down, finish their studies, find a perfect matching job, start earning money in order to save for their future, which brings most of the time family. We are born with an idea to complete this scheme and be happy. But what happens, when we realize that after completing this scheme we are not happy enough? What if we want something else from life? What if we have different role to play in our life? I think everyone has this moment in the middle of studies that we have to figure out what kind of internship we want to do, where, how, now? What if we just would like to be extraordinary and do not follow the crowd? I am not saying that ‘ following the crowd’ is a bad thing. In my opinion, Following the crowd means that we do what is a ‘good thing’ to do... like again, 1. Completing studies, find a good job, find a good husband and have a family. Most of women just dream about it but I am not this kind of person.

It seems like this summer was one of my pre-last student summers in my life. That is why I was thinking what I will expect from the next summer, last 2 months of dolce far niente in my life. Travel the world? Spend some time with family? Volunteering?

I don’t know but for sure I will have to do something, which I will remember till the rest of my life, like going to India to monastery and a silent weeks.

Why did I bring up this summer example? Because this is the best example of being pushed to do something “ extraordinary” in our lives.. Knowing, that it will be probably your last student summer, what would you do? Probably half of you would say“ go to Ibiza and party all weeks long”, another half would say “ I don’t have a plan and any willing to think what will happen in one year”.

Nowadays, people follow the crowd, however they still think that they do something extraordinary and they are unique. People still want to believe in eternal happiness, which always includes money, as everyone wants to get rich, have a family and just an amazing life. But the question now is,

A R E   W E   R E A D Y  F O R    A   C H A N G E ?

In order to change our life…?

With all that plans we make, do we realize that in order to change something in our life, we have to get rid of the past? Or is the past creating the future?

Again, coming back to my last post. People are very easily attached to another person, which makes it almost impossible to leave, change and forget. But why would we hang on someone, who does not appreciate us? Why do we always need to relay on someone, in any terms( friendship, partnership) ? Why cant we think that everything we do, all the choices we make are only depend on us? I said before that we became very selfish and we stopped caring about the other person, but.. why not in this topic? Why cant we leave the past, face it and agree that we do not own anything anyone? That is okay to leave and be by our own !? If we do not like it, we can just leave, close one chapter in order to open a new one? Believe me, I know it hurts very much but by only non stop trying we become the best of ourselves.

As talking about following the crowd, it always scary me when I see unhappy couples, who are together because they share past, moments, its too difficult to break such an ‘amazing’ relation and in older age- children. But the question is, Who are you living for? You have one life, which you have to use and try everything in order to not regret anything. Why would you be so dependent on someone? Why can’t we create a better world by doing good and share good with only the closest relatives and friends? Why is it so hard for us to feel lonely for a bit? It is at the beginning, but then we realize that it actually made us stronger.

I was wondering for the last 2 years, when I got out from this teenage stage

“why don’t I have a bf ?” what is wrong with me?

Then during my internship I met a very old Polish friend with who I went on a party. Of course alcohol sometimes does not help but in this time, it actually broaden my mind. I asked him this question, tipsy, in a party mood and I did not expect any real answer. Nevertheless we started to talk and I will always remember what he said. Please, allow me to quote him

“ Natalia, when I see you, I see such a strong woman, such a strong personality that I am not sure who is able to handle it  (unconsciously). Hearing your life story from the moment you introduce yourself, that you are a world citizen who has been raised abroad. You left to Colombia by yourself when you were 15, when your peers are probably having their first beer in their life but you were “fighting” for life. To be honest, I am not sure who is able to handle that positivity and confidence. But when I see you later, I talk to you, you are the most fragile person I know”

After 10 months of digesting this conversation with my friend I came to the conclusion that everyone has its own mission in life.  Someone is born to make people happy by selling ice creams, someone is born to be a CEO of a big company like Apple, so I can now use my Mac to write this post, and other people, and I feel like I belong to that group is born to open some people eyes on reality. I am not writing anything you do not know, but I am writing something to remind you about that, which you may forget in your busy life.

From ex to sex

To my dearest J 

From ex to sex

Last night I thought about what it takes to make a relationship for to death.

More singles have more long term success with friends so maybe it is a better strategy to marry your friend? Whoever in the absence of sex whether that’s the arrangement or just what happens after few years? What distinguishes this companion for the many other companions ? When it comes to saying I DO , is it a relationship or relationship based on friendship without fireworks ?

 I have never talked about relationships here. Not because I don’t do relationships but because I did not feel like there is a point for a post like this.

Till now.

Well, it wont be anything private but something very open with a lot of open questions you can ask yourself. People talk about it over and over again and because I also talk to my girls a LOT and I write it in caps because I really do it a L O T. Especially girls have a tendency to exaggerate things, especially when it comes to love and guys. I also noticed that many people define happiness by love and by sharing it with other person. What does it mean? That we can’t be truly happy when we don’t have a match? What makes us think about finishing studies and getting married next years? Is the society we live in force us or maybe we believe in eternal happiness with a second half ?

We can ask these questions over and over but maybe we are the new bachelors ? For sure in this world relationships are put on a second place after a perfect job. Why is that? Are we insecure about it so much that we prefer not to face it but we still can talk about it during every lunch meeting? Or how come that over the centuries we care less and less about other people? Are the break ups so painful that we close ourselves for another person? Or maybe it is just comfortable to be just selfish and love yourself more than others? If not, then what is a reason? In my opinion, break ups are awful and they are private and they are not necessary symptomatic of what two people had together. It also can refer to friendship, when it ends. I did not personally lose the real friends but when it comes to, it feels like a break up as you may not see that person anymore. When something bad pops up in our life we have a tendency to close for others and to overexaggerate the entire situation in order to feel a bit better about that ourselves.

The truth is in any given moment someone somewhere could nagging a face about you but it’s the reviews you give yourself that matter. After every situation you face, which involves at least two people together.  People feel guilty about almost all things they do. Starting with very basic like eating too much carbs, finishing with a life matters. Why is that? In my opinion we always want to give the best impression of ourselves. Which is a good thing until we wont mess up. People don’t want to do something here for what they will be sorry later. This plays a very big role in dating. Recently I read an article about this modern dating, which finishes with “ I don’t know what I want for now” . This sentence actually replaced the old saying  “ its not you, its me”.

Coming back to “ from ex to sex”, my feeling about dating now is very negative. Why is that? Because there is no longer things you wait for. Do you remember a first kiss after second date? Do you remember when you really had to wait to meet that person in life or waiting for an sms or call back? Now we live in this modern social media life, what about I was writing before. Hooking ups became a very casual things, especially in Europe( or maybe everywhere?) I am not saying I am different but I realize the fact that it really bothers me, which also makes my focus more on school, family and friends.. which in result cause no real interest about other sex as it always finishes the same. After dating someone for few weeks we realize that in that little time (even during first 4 weeks) you already know your life stories, you already had an intimacy and you have nothing to wait for. Am I right? Well in most cases it is like this. I think that because we started to underestimate ourselves as for example we stopped celebrate things, which we did before. Achieving something you have been working for last half year doesn’t satisfy you by the end because it just happened, you just completed your thing. Why is that strangers need to remind you about your great success, which you don’t see anymore?

When you don’t get what you want, you get something better- an experience..

When you don’t get what you want, you get something better- an experience..

Recently, as you may noticed I started to write about something totally different, not about traveling, especially not about Colombia but about everyday, life or  past. I cannot say that I feel totally disconnected from Colombia, but I can say that I grow up and we grow up with every experience we have in life. To have an overview about what I would like to write today is my recent life situation, which made me thinking and made me realize that when you don’t get what you want, you get something better- an experience..

So as a student in Amsterdam I have been doing a lot and I am also very busy with a lot of small things. For the last 6 months I worked at Andaz, a 5* hotel property, which belongs to Hyatt. My work was located on Prinsengracht street, which is one of the most beautiful street in Amsterdam and my favorite one.

What happened is that they did not extend my contract, giving me very lame excuses. I was fully prepared for my conversation with my manager and I was aware of what may happen. What is more, I was happy about it and I know that this place wasn’t for me anymore.  What I need now is to be at home and enjoy my summer with my family and friends. 

Talking about an experience, my CV is changing every 6 months. Every 6 months I am looking for something new, something better, something more interesting. Every 6 months I also have different point of view and I am interested in different things. Every 6 months I also have different plans for my future and that is why I work as hard as possible, trying new things and non stop improving in different fields of life.  In general, people at my age do not really think about the future or do not take part time jobs seriously (my own observation based on my peers), however I would like to climb the latter. I realized that for me it became impossible not to climb the latter, not to work, not to being tired and not to work sometimes double shifts. I really enjoy it, I can tell everyone how tired I am and how I hate my work but by the end of a conversation I will be happy and grateful that I could manage it, that I had this patience to do that shit. If you look at my CV you can find everything- my life on 2 A4 pages. Starting with private education in Colombian high school, moving to catholic boarding school with IB program, continuing with my present Hotelschool The Hague, one of the very few best hotel schools in the world. Meeting prime minister of Japan and performing for him, being on exchange program, doing my last internship at W Barcelona and speak 4 languages. I think it’s a lot for almost 22 year old girl.

Why is that ? How come ?

I just have been pushed for what I can be very grateful to my parents.

I haven’t realized that exactly 5 years ago, the Lufthansa plane took me to Colombia, to the country, which changed my life and my perspectives forever. This plane showed me what working hard means and what is the difference between career and a job.

I started to work when I was 18 as part time waitress in Hilton Convention Center in Warsaw. It was very casual as I needed any experience before entering Hotelschool The Hague. With this first experience I learned a lot about people and their needs. With every job, especially in hospitality business you learn that but it is only up to you if you see it more broad than the other person. As a part time waitress in Andaz I thought that I am doing  my job because I have to. I was not really motivated, however my team was great. Now, when I have a moment to think about it I can say that I learned a lot about people. I can easily recognized people’ needs and wants, their frustration and business limitations. Experience I gained there is much more worth than money I got. Of course, by the very end of the month money is a very important factor as you have to pay your bills, life, feed your family if you have one and if you don’t, then you have to live in this very capitalistic life.

 I have worked in many many many places until I finally understood that I desire more than just a job. I started to desire a career, to have a mission I have to start. Everyone has one, but not everybody is aware of that. How can you find it? Listen to your deepest thoughts before sleep, during bus ride, during grocery shopping or during meditation. Take 2 minutes from 24 hours and ask yourself one question “what do I want now? “ and then follow the first answer your heart gives you. Don’t be scared, otherwise you will lose your destiny, you will lose your life.

Each of your life experience will build your future from that day on. When you start to develop- you realize that you grow up. On the other hand, if you feel that you are lost in life, I cheer you up, cause maybe you are in your place, where your life would bring you anyway.

Have a nice weekend

Natalia

inspired by mom

Inspiration for this post came out from today's date. 26 of May 2016

On this date, in Poland, we celebrate Mother's day and this is very special day for me to say l o u d, to every person who follows my blog how I  L O V E the most beautiful creature in this World- my MOM. I think every mom is special and there is no a bad mom. You may have different opinions, you may have different mothers and different view on love and family. However for each child, their mom is the most important person, no matter how old are you. I believe that there is not a bad mom, because every mom, which takes a decision of having or even abort child, she has a super power to do it. This power could be anything as we struggle with everyday life and sometimes we are not sure about anything we are doing. do not blame. do not blame anyone, who hurt you and do not judge. Keep your opinion for yourself and when someone hurt you, never hurt back. I am very proud of my mom's work that she taught me these values. As far as I remember I never hurt anyone, consciously ( and believe me or not, everyday I met people, from whom I should just cut off).

Since already few years, my mom became my Bible. My friends know that I call her for every single thing, no matter if I am in Colombia, Holland or Poland, texting her few times per day is very regular thing as well. For me she is one of the person, who gives power to live and teaches every single person, as well her patients : how to be positive in life. What is more, she can also "kill me" with her hard questions and one of this question I would like to ask you.

" What would you like to try / or to do, if you were sure that it will be a success " ? 

yeah, what would I like to try ?

Well, each of us would have different answers.

For sure I would launch my own business, build my own independence ( as there is nothing more important for me as love, family and my own independence), then I would probably adopt Colombian girl, show her the world like my mom did to me. Then maybe I will fall in love.
these are all plans, dreams, imagination of the future we make based on our today's life.
We are trying to imagine, what the future can bring and we constantly think what will happen if..

My mom was always trying to teach me to focus on a presence and do not make plans. Unfortunately this is very German of me and I love and intend to make plans everyday. I even plan my tomorrow's look, my breakfast lunch dinner, nap during day and shower. I plan because I dont like have this burden and I really do not like to follow people or services we use everyday. I have to plan at what time I will make my groceries, because I do not like when it is too crowded or when it is immedietaly after my school, from where I bring heavy books/ laptop.  ( haha ok I am not that f* up, it only sounds that bad :))

then she says S T O P. think about what you have to do today and for tomorrow.
When I was telling her about my super hard exam, which I am going to have after summer ( I know, long time from now) she said : N, do not think if you will pass or not, do not make excuses that it will be hard to study for, do not think how hard it will be that time and how much time you will have to spend on studying. BUT focus on preparing homework for every class and write down questions regarding problems you do not understand. Then, by following this process, you will pass.

Sometimes she also asks me ' what kind of person would you like to be? what kind of people would you like to attract?

Once she asked me to write down those things and read them after one year. Well, to be honest I did my homework, after which I noticed how 'ok' is sometimes to stop and think about things you would never think about or stop your busy life for couple of mins and remind yourself who you are and what you want achieve, with who you want to be and if the things you do are good or bad too you.
She also says, that sometimes letting go person, problem hurt less that keeping this 'rubbish' around you. In my opinion, sometimes it is just too hard to do it but I hope that one day each of us will have enough strenght to do so.

That is why we should say more often YES instead no. If you want to be like this  walking exclamation mark ! you have to start saying YES more often.

Too often some tragedies wake us up to live and to see and give good. You do not have to wait for NYE to start something new, to open new chapter of life, to finish unhealthy relationship, which do not make you happy anymore. Too often in life we say NO, in order to live more comfortable. We promise each other things, which will never take place, we want to quit smoking or drinking  or we want to be on a diet but saying NO is just more comfy for now.
should not be then an exercise for each of us to say more of YES ?

what does saying YES mean ? to start new day with positive way of thinking. Every morning when we have to get up at 6.30 am ( or sometimes earlier) , why dont we actually get up instead of snoozing for next 15min, which cause running to the shower and not having healthy breakfast? Saying YES also means to compliment more, to help more and to give more love and tranquility, which people need, and they need it urgently. Saying YES means also taking your friend for a walk and spend some quality time together, instead of exchanging long and sometimes unclear messages. ( but i was talking about this in the previous post).

sit down, start inhale with your nose and exhale with your mouth. and listen what your intuition is trying to tell you and say it YES.

- leave people, who hurt you
- stay with people, who love you
-forgive person, who hurt you the most. do not keep this negativity inside you
- accept yourself as you are, because you are perfect and unique
- create what scares you the most
- be happy, everyday, be happy from everything you get
-have a hope, that tomorrow is going to be even better
- take life less serious

E N J O Y every miracle, every secret, every doubt and uncertainty, what world has for us.

Please, ask yourself this above mentioned questions, and think. Disconnect yourself for one minute.



M O M,  have a very wonderful day. Although I cannot hug you and kiss you in person, you know that you are the most important thing in  my life and this will never change. The love I send you, no one will never receive.  You are my teacher and my everything.

March 1995, Canary Islands, I was 3 months old.


With Love and best wishes for all Polish Moms

Natalia

look up

5 months and 16 days took me to sit down in front of the blank Word page and starting to write this post.

5 months and 16 days took me to realize that I really should continue writing my blog, not only for world travellers, 3^rd culture kids but actually for myself.

5 months, without 16 days took me to get my shit together and be present now, not yesterday or tomorrow "what if" .

From the beginning, I left Barcelona, moved back to Amsterdam where I continue my studies, had some more and less stressful moments, parties which I wish I did not remember and met people whom I did not give enough time. The third part will be in today's post.

Giving each other time, understanding, talking without  judgment, being present here and now.

Be focused on others more than yourself.

Remember the old days when you had eye contact during a conversation? When everyone wasn't looking down at a device in theirs hands? We've become so focused on that tiny screen that we forget the big picture, the people right in front of us.  

We become so egocentric that we do not realize how many things are around us and how many people are in need. No, not poor people who ask you for a coin or cigarettes on a street but people with who you live and share your life. It may be anyone, your best friend, parent, sibling, neighbor, partner, colleague.. you name it.

Everyday we pass by people, who do good, who give us energy to live and who love us. Unfortunately we are focused too much on our lives that we create an excuse “ I do not have time” in order to not help someone else or to not give our expensive time to someone, who may need it more than us.

Being busy is nothing bad, being busy keeps us away from sinning, being lazy or in general from doing bad things. But have you wondered recently if your friends are all right ? I mean, all right.. not ok. ? Have you wondered that sometimes doing small good things may bring you double positive energy, which you may need now more than sth else? Have you wondered that sometimes skipping  instagram, snapchat or facebook for next 20 minutes in a tram will be more valuable than scrolling down the screen? Maybe in that moment ,when you will not be focused so much on yourself will realize the world around you and people who may need your sit in a tram. Maybe you will realize a friend who tries to tell you  something very important but you are too busy with your stories that you cannot realize an important message in his/her eyes ?

One thing, do you know why you never remember a name said for the first time? When you are introducing to someone new, both hands shake, smile is exchanged but there is a moment after 2 seconds which asks you “ what was her/his name ?? “

I may not discover America now but I will tell you why,

Because you are focused too much on HOW you are going to tell YOUR name that you do NOT listen what other person says.

Fair enough ? cool, because this simple example does not apply only for introducing yourself but also on everyday conversations.

People who know me they know that I am very talkative person, that I just love to speak and I love to have all this attention on me. Because I am also aware of these things so made an exercise with myself, it was like a training my personality.

I made an appointment with a friend I did not know longer than  3 months. Because we are still new to each other, there are plenty of topics to be discussed, there are plenty of stuff to be done. But no, I said to myself that today everything is going to be about her. The conversation started very simple, about recent stories with a partner, break ups, coming back, work, school, living - Everyday things.  The trick I used while talking with her for first 30 minutes was that I was not interrupting her, I was listening without even nodding, without using AHA, OK, YES, WHAT THEN…

She felt that I am really listening to what she would like to say and because I was not interrupting- she was talking more and more and started to share with me things, I did not expect from our simple afternoon meeting. She was talking more, expressing emotions, asking herself about what she want and I was just listening, trying in a meanwhile to ask her questions, instead of judging*

*( judging- everything can be judged by telling your opinion, which is not always necessary or asked).

I wont tell you what happened next or what did she share with me but I will tell you what would have changed if I did not remain silence.

By starting with Hi, how are you? Everyone tells things, happenings, recent stories. Everyone would like to share with as many things as possible or sometimes people just want to talk bullshit to feel better. But then only YOU decide about the quality of the conversation. I am not saying that it always has to be about “life and dead”, of course not, giggling laughing and looking at each other is even more my style than anything else but what I am trying to tell you today is to focus sometimes on someone else rather than yourself.

We need to be smarter than our smart phones and realize the people we are with are more important than the people we aren't with, and way more important than the strangers we hope will tweet,snap and like and share and Instagram whatever we're sending out into the cybersphere.

Have you wondered recently that you did not give enough attention to your friends but to someone else, who did not appreciate* it?

*appreciate it- I changed this word from d e s e r v e . in my opinion there is nothing we have granted from life and this is not like we deserve something or not. It is only our work, which then will pay us off or not.  

Have you wondered recently that you did not smile enough, laugh enough, spend spare time in a park instead a bar?

Did you thank your friend for being for you while you did not care about anything else but your problems?

Do you know when was the last time you dropped your friend at the airport, bought your gf flowers without any occasion or invited your friend for a dinner just because you are friends and there is always sth to celebrate?

Its always a good time to say thank you or I am sorry. Don’t postpone it, because there is always someone who is important to you.

"if you want to see a miracle, you have to be a miracle". - Regina Brett

one last thing, a commercial video from YT, which moved me a bit.  enjoy 

 YT video ->  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7dLU6fk9QY <- click

with L O V E 

Natalia