your inner garden

Since the last note has been posted half year ago, I decided to do something about it...
Clearly I have been very busy, not only with school but also with work, then summer came and other distractions. However, the past 5 months kind of defined my next move, with which I am sharing now..
They say, time flies when you are having fun.. but when you are busy, you do not realise what you may missing out there. Last 5 months were hectic in each aspect of my life and I am very happy that in 3 months only we enter new chapter - 2.18 , in which I will graduate, hopefully get my dream job.

However today I would like to share with some thoughts. Am always underlining, that  I do not intent to open your eyes but what am trying to do, is just make you think about some obvious things, which are forgotten in our everyday rush.

Firstly, I would like to start off with my internship, which is the last phase of my studies. Yes, I also cannot believe that am almost done. Thinking about the dream company- location and people made me realise that sometimes you are thinking too far and too complicated about something you would like to do.  You are too busy with planning, checking, stressing that you might miss your biggest values as a person.  Then you become stressed with the plan and with following others that you forget to keep balance.

Real life example...  I have been working for The Entourage group for the past year. I started off as a hostess in the best restaurant of Amsterdam. I applied for this as I simply wanted to change my part-time job, without having anything particular in mind. So I was working for 6 months until I realised that being hostess at the duchess is not only being pretty and guiding guests to the table, but also motivating others and giving my best and standing out for others. I will not bother you with details but around May, when I got really busy, I stood up and took an extra mile to improve myself and my skills. Having this said, " this thing" showed me how good I am with people and how my empathy skill is developed. People who know me have been always saying that I am good hearted person but I realised it only now, when I really cared about other employees and how do they feel at work/ after work- as I was looking for improvements within the company. This little assignment showed me that I don't have to go far and look for something "unachievable " if I have my dream work served on a silver plate. So, the question is.. what are you looking for? If you are in a phase of your life that you would like to change your location, work, partner, school etc. Start from yourself. I think asking  questions is a very good beginning... Why would you like to change your location? what makes you feel like quitting and why are you always tired and demotivated? I am not saying that changes are bad, not at all, but sometimes we try to escape from the problem, which inside us and not at work, nor at School. Also, if you are looking for an adventure, why is that?
I read a book last month- "Crucial Conversations", from which I really memorised one thing. If you are about to talk with another person, ( any possible topic like job promotion, relationships, family issues etc) try to ask yourself a question, What would you like to get out of this conversation? How are you going to drive this conversation, to get the most out of it?
Think about it or read the book, highly recommended.

Also, Opening for other people feelings showed me how important is to give in order to receive. The more empathy you show, the more empathy you will receive. I believe it is really simple to say and again, I am not discovering America with this sentence, but I strongly believe  that taking step back, think and focus is a clue to what you may actually need and for you may look for. When was the last time you really mean " how are you?" or when was the last time when you really tried to understand what your relative is feeling, without jumping to solutions ?

If you scroll down, you see many posts about motivation, relationships, fixing and giving little advices. Also you may notice that each post of mine is about thinking what you really want from life. I believe that the best relationship you may have is with yourself. How you see things, how you see other people, how you act and why... because, by the end of your time, you will only think about good things that happened. And having this said, I decided to look for an internship in an area of Training and Development. I really do believe in trainings and motivating others. I was also thinking about starting other studies in psychology but that may come bit later.

So the take away for today is the following...

sit, relax, and breath. Do little meditation exercise ( I recommend the free app called Headspace) and just try not to think about anything for 5 minutes. Focus on your body and your breath. Then, ask yourself what do you want to accomplish by the end of this day and what you are grateful for.

if you repeat this exercise more often, trust me that you will feel the inner change. Remember that your mind is your inner garden and everything is up to you.

x

Modern dating main Q&A

Recently I came across an article written by Melissa Moeller, who writes about modern dating. I find this article so inspiring that I decided to share my thoughts about it. After showing it to my friends we all agreed with the below small essay, but  then we also all agreed that there is nothing to be done about it (as you have to play it cool). Insta, snap, tinder, fb xxxx

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As a almost 23 grown up teenager hihi I am pretty much aware of the modern hook up culture. This art of getting the right guy to the bar, crafting the perfect response to a text to make you seem just interested enough but not a despo. why is it all like this? why did everything become fake and boring? is it because of insignificant events in my mind or is it because I react too sensitively to the people with whom I share the world? or maybe the modern dating is just fucked up and lets focus on this part.

tbh I do not really believe in genuine dating anymore. People ask you to HANG OUT and you do so. but then you spend next three days wondering and ignoring, as you are suppose to do. it does not matter what you did, whether it was a movie or sex in a car or you went for a city trip- careful cause you were just hanging out and it was casual, right? Don't bother and think what he/she is thinking or what that evening meant to him/her. why not? because you can not ask, it is not cool. 

I see that we live in the world where people are afraid to feel and show feelings or emotions. they are too scared to show anything genuine. when someone is angry with you, there is no phone call but huge essay on WhatsApp. it is easier to send a passive aggressive text, you can avoid showing your feelings. If you like someone, you don't tell them how you feel, rather act interested enough for them to pick up on it but not enough to freak them out. if you don't play by the rules then you lose. so be careful.

Moreover, do not ask to hangout two nights in a row. if you texted first last time, you have to wait for him/her to text you first. and important: don't double text !!! so yeah, everything is done through texting as it is weird to call someone in the modern world just to have conversation or try to make plans. we are forced to wait for a response that might not ever come

Everything is calculated to appear thoughtless and do not forget not to care too much. For me it is quite difficult to play it, I guess I will faster graduate and pass my finance exam than understand the reason behind modern dating world. 

Another thing is when I like someone. when I like someone I wanna hang out with him and its simple as that, or at least should be. But in this dating culture it is different, as I talk to him too much, I'm needy. if I'm always free when he asks me to hang out, I'm clingy. if he takes 3 hours to respond my text, then I have to multiply the hours waiting, to the power of 2 and then I can text back. 

but then I am wondering, why am I playing this stupid game? why can we call people because we like talking to them, why does showing I care make me needy and despo? I am not this girl and I believe you are also tired of this internet shit. you're tired of this app world. 

lets post Insta together, crop this shit out and show the world how fun people we are. 

but even though we admit it now, online, we will keep acting like the above described behaviours. 

But still remember, you cannot define any relationship because everything is just a casual thing.

But here's actually Melissa's idea : " let's stop being little fucks. respect other people enough to tell them the truth. if someone makes you happy-tell them. if someone inspires you-tell them. if you're not interested anymore- please stop this fucking game and tell them. don't ignore people until they disappear. its time we grow up and stop leaving people hanging with unanswered texts and cryptic social media posts. everyone is human and we are all just trying to understand one another in this messy world" 

Then now my personal advice, be yourself and follow your intuition, dont play with people because karma is a bitch. remember, that some people will only love you as much as they can use you. their friendship ends where the benefit stops. remember when 'thank you' was enough? remember when ' I want you' was enough? 

drama, always

Natalia x 

ps. GO ! as far as possible, to the weirdest places you can even imagine.

So I was thinking and thinking about the next post, which is the first one after my trip to Colombia, on which I took my best friend with me. It was again very short one as I spent only 10 days in the country. We traveled between Bogota-Cartagena and Cucuta. I could say that this trip was different; I can truly admit that after this one I am even more connected by heart and do not really feel the distance anymore. You all know how in love I am with Colombia and how happy I am when I am there, it is noticeable on every social media post so no need to write about it. However during this stay I felt like I never left, each year I am coming back and forth. Skyping, whatsapping and calling and… missing. Missing it hard and everyday.

When I was leaving Colombia I was not sad, as I knew that I am back in May, for 5 days only but still. But as a 23 year old girl, who gets older and more mature I felt connected like never before, I came to the realization that I need to get there even more by doing my internship or set my first business there.

I feel more, as nothing changed in my relationships with people I love. I am always afraid that one day I might lose it. I felt more connected as I felt like home. But the question is; how many homes can you have? They say that home is where your house is, but now the building means nothing for me. They say that home is where the heart is, but then it means that my heart has to be divided by 3.

Today I spent my day in a city (where my parents currently live) but this city has a sentimental meaning for me, as my first time here was 7 years ago, just before I left to Colombia. In this city I met other people, in my age or bit older who also decided to leave everything in a such young age and explore the world, move to another continent and challenge yourself. With some of them I am still in touch, others I follow on social media… either way I can see how successful these people are and how this challenge changed our life.

It is beginning of March, for some of you it means that your exchange is nearly done.  You spent almost ¾ of the year abroad and probably you cannot imagine coming back home.  As I said before, living in another country or switching countries every few years, change your life forever. You will never be the same and will never see things the same way you did before leaving. I remember how depressed I was when I had to come to Poland from Colombia. No one understood me as no one around had the experience like me. Yet, for those of us who have lived abroad, this is simply the way it is. I remember when I came back and I experienced ‘ reversed culture shock’, which is returning to the place you have lived before you left somewhere else.

I don’t think that there is really any way to describe this feeling and trust me that things will never be the same.  I know that in this period of time many people wonder whether they should spend year/ summer abroad. Whether they should accept internships, which are far away from the comfort zone(home). I know this is very hard. The hardest part is that you are scared that when you come back, things will not remain the same. But… THEY WILL. You will change, not your friends, parents, boyfriends. You may leave for a year and trust me, nothing will change within the city you live but relationship will, for better. Real people will always love you, no matter what and where you are. If you are connected and have this ’spark’ then you both should take care of it. I think that at this point it is also valuable to find out who is real, right?

I promise that you will never want the clocks to be turned back and you will never want to be the person you were before leaving..

As I mentioned before, I am helping many students, parents and other people to take this decision of spending year abroad. I exchange emails mostly with Rotary parents, who are afraid of their children but also advising people, who are scared to get out of their comfort zone. But what I am trying to say and with this sentence I will close this post…

Sometimes it is a struggle to be present in moment, when you want to celebrate the beauty of where you are, rather than long for what you have left behind. But now, for me, home is wherever I find my homies, who I have in Colombia, Amsterdam and in Poland. It is messed up and sometimes it is very hard but I cannot imagine that I live the life, which I lived 7 years ago. And the thing is… we all feel the same. By the end of the day, we all want be around warm hearted and good people. It takes both sides to build the bridge, doesn’t it?

PS. GO ! as far as possible, to the weirdest place you can even imagine. 

Questions? You know how to reach me ( as I cannot say where to find me jaja)

xxx

New year, let it be a very happy new year. 2017

Dear readers,

It has been a while since the last post, however when realizing that New Year is coming just in 5 days, I could not let it go without any New Year’s post.  I know I am not a regular here but it is important to write something from time to time. Not only to write my thoughts down but also to make you read something obvious, which you keep forgetting all the time.

New Year, new expectations, new short or long goals. Time for changes, for forgiveness, for an overall change, for better.  But where shall we start? Shall we set the big goals all again and say that this time I will make it happen                       F O R  S U R E        ? like, I will finally lose weight, finally do more good, finally stop being selfish, finally care more about others…you name it. We create these big long-term goals in order to change and feel better with ourselves. But I just thought of setting new goals, which are divided into small steps. They say that there is no lift to success that you have to take stairs. Then why don’t we take those?

Little example,

I will lose 20 kg during 2017.  Sounds achievable right? But you also said that three years ago. So, lets maybe change it into “ I will lose 3kg monthly during 2017 ? Means… you will be more motivated by setting small goals and achieve one big faster?

I will stop being that selfish, spoilt person during 2017. Changing into: I will call my family from once to twice per week, I will ask others how they really are instead of treating them as your emotional trash?

In school I learned that the goals we set they have to be SMART. Specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, time-bound.  Doesn’t it sound better and more achievable than one long-term goal with a further excuse ‘ actually 2017 is long enough to start next month, instead of now? ‘

Why do not we all agree that we will be better people for each other?  Very simple but I think each of us could think of becoming better person and get rid of bad habits.

Oh, and what happened to our everyday bullshit and games? Shall we maybe start from this?  Overthinking, analyzing instead of going with the flow and let it go?  I saw a good picture last time, somewhere on Instagram. A hand is holding very tight that rope. Next this hand becomes very red as keeping that rope causes  a lot of pain. Then saying appears ‘ sometimes its less painful to just let it go”

Another one, we are expected to ‘act smart’ and ‘interesting’ but not too interesting because we’ve got to leave a little to other people imagination.

From this spot I say hi to best friends J and L.

I placed some time ago this article about modern dating 2016, it is really interesting to if you’re curious, just scroll down and you’ll find it.

What about people we meet, who we like? We have to be constantly ‘busy’ or ‘out of reach’. We have a certain amount of time we have to wait before even thinking about replying to their message. But are we even allowed to use emoji’s? We start to become this person that we aren’t. We are now pretending to like what they like because we feel that will make them fall for us more. It will make us seem more attractive. Every. Single. Word has to be properly analyzed and your best friend(s) need to proof read before pressing send.

On the other hand, you can run after person, who does not run after you. So maybe let’s stop this game and just focus more on people who care, instead of running for others stupid and sick attention? Wearing our heart on sleeve isn’t easy. Being let down and mentally neglected is tough to bounce back from. But now this is time and we are all old enough to have this power and leave all shit behind us. Why? Just because it’s almost 2017 and this reason is good enough.

So please. You have next 5 days to define, who you were the last 365 days and if you like this person. If so, congratulations, you became a better one out of X number of world’s population. If not, then you also have 5 days to define, who you want to be for the next 365 days or for more. If you did so, start now.

31^st of December 2016, 11.45 pm

Please prepare 12 grapes, which symbolize 12 different wishes for the next year and with each minute eat one. With this, make all your new wishes, dreams and even new you come true. *

*My Colombian fam taught me this, I believe this is a perfect symbol of starting new year and new you.

And now,

May all your wishes come true, be healthy, wealthy and be good. Respect others and treat them not how you want to be treated but how they want to be, as everybody is different.

Natalia xx

Put your oxygen mask first, then everyone else will feel easier to breath around you.

My soul has tendency of overanalyzing and overthinking of everything and everyone I pass. Very often I am focused on unkind comments from strangers, on friends who disappointed me, on people who do not care, on things I could have done better or on a future, which may bring many consequences based on my current behavior.  Then, like today, I am asking myself what can happen if my soul can love everything I do. What will happen if I could love people I am used to dislike or people who hurt before ? What will happen if I could just see good in people and try to get the best out of them? In every minute of your life you could have your special zoom+ mirror, which will search only  for positive aspects of people’ behavior… What would you do with it? Imagine you see only good in your boss, your colleague, team member, your neighbor, who puts loud music on Sunday evening. Imagine you see only good in your partner, in your roommate, in your annoying younger or older sibling…imagine you see only good in your illness or when you are fired or… in a pregnancy test, which gave you the result you didn’t expect. What will happen if you would see only good in every aspect of your life, which seem dead.. like the job you hate, the relationship you want to get out from, the exam, which you still can not pass after the 3^rd time… What will you do if you will finally understand that all you do, how you think, what you give… only depend on you? You need to decide how you want to think and if you are happy with it. We all do everything the same. We all work, worry, love, want to have great holidays and great people around. The difference is H O W we do it.

No one is actually listening to the cabin crew who always say the same thing

“ Put on your own oxygen mask before helping those around you “.

For me this sentence has a deeper meaning as if you don’t help yourself first, you cannot save anyone around you. The same applies to real life situations. How would you like to help others, in any matter, if you do not take care of yourself? Can it happen that you are always available for everyone, on call ? You are always available to help others, before you actually think of yourself. I am not an exception. I always try to help other in studying, finding jobs, taking people out, talking, solving some real problems. Sometimes I do these things and cancel my own plans as I find my friends more important than myself. But I bet that I am not the only one. How can you see good in others if you do not take care of yourself? How can you help others if you are exhausted and get annoyed by everything, which surrounds you. ( True that all women have their PMS but I really do not want to compare these days to others J )  How can you change it? What should you do in order to put on your own oxygen mask before helping those around you?

First, agree with yourself. Let it be an official allowance to take care of yourself as you are the only one responsible for that, no one else. After following a mindfulness course I allowed myself to create a list, to which I will stick everyday, no matter how busy I am.

Oh, by the way, “ I am too busy” is not an excuse. For literally nothing

1.     Take care of myself – stop taking responsibilities, which aren’t yours. Stop being so much for others that by the end of the day you do not have any energy for yourself

2.     Give yourself 5 minutes- take your 5 minutes to chill, to relax and to breath when stress just took over your body. Reset. Sit down. The more chilled you will be, the better decisions you will make. Trust me, these 5 minutes without your phone, computer and your thoughts will make you feel better and world will not disappear without you.

3.     Take what is yours- don’t give anyone a remote control to your feelings. Stop with excuses “ this guy makes me crazy”. Take your remote and press “ chill”. You do not have any influence on what other people do but you have an influence on what you do and how actually you think.

4.     Create a list with things for what you are grateful for- for example when you are stuck in traffic, look around and think how lucky you are to be inside the car/bus when other people have to walk in rain

Try to imagine that you love yourself as much as all people around you.

Put your oxygen mask first, then everyone else will feel easier to breath around you.

Is following the crowd the thing you really want ?

This night (as usually during nights), I was thinking carefully about my thoughts and I came to the conclusion that I may repeat myself from time to time. Please, forgive me if you ever noticed that but sometimes I cant control my “powerful thoughts”. First I do not want to sound as a crazy feminist, who I am not. Second, I have this need inside me to spread more wisdom, so not to give life advices  but open people eyes on things they are too much attached to or they too scared to leave their past behind them. In the last post I was writing about this ‘trend’ of  (not) being in a relationship, but today I would like to add something more to that.

Especially in the young age, in which I am now 22-30 years old, people tend to settle down, finish their studies, find a perfect matching job, start earning money in order to save for their future, which brings most of the time family. We are born with an idea to complete this scheme and be happy. But what happens, when we realize that after completing this scheme we are not happy enough? What if we want something else from life? What if we have different role to play in our life? I think everyone has this moment in the middle of studies that we have to figure out what kind of internship we want to do, where, how, now? What if we just would like to be extraordinary and do not follow the crowd? I am not saying that ‘ following the crowd’ is a bad thing. In my opinion, Following the crowd means that we do what is a ‘good thing’ to do... like again, 1. Completing studies, find a good job, find a good husband and have a family. Most of women just dream about it but I am not this kind of person.

It seems like this summer was one of my pre-last student summers in my life. That is why I was thinking what I will expect from the next summer, last 2 months of dolce far niente in my life. Travel the world? Spend some time with family? Volunteering?

I don’t know but for sure I will have to do something, which I will remember till the rest of my life, like going to India to monastery and a silent weeks.

Why did I bring up this summer example? Because this is the best example of being pushed to do something “ extraordinary” in our lives.. Knowing, that it will be probably your last student summer, what would you do? Probably half of you would say“ go to Ibiza and party all weeks long”, another half would say “ I don’t have a plan and any willing to think what will happen in one year”.

Nowadays, people follow the crowd, however they still think that they do something extraordinary and they are unique. People still want to believe in eternal happiness, which always includes money, as everyone wants to get rich, have a family and just an amazing life. But the question now is,

A R E   W E   R E A D Y  F O R    A   C H A N G E ?

In order to change our life…?

With all that plans we make, do we realize that in order to change something in our life, we have to get rid of the past? Or is the past creating the future?

Again, coming back to my last post. People are very easily attached to another person, which makes it almost impossible to leave, change and forget. But why would we hang on someone, who does not appreciate us? Why do we always need to relay on someone, in any terms( friendship, partnership) ? Why cant we think that everything we do, all the choices we make are only depend on us? I said before that we became very selfish and we stopped caring about the other person, but.. why not in this topic? Why cant we leave the past, face it and agree that we do not own anything anyone? That is okay to leave and be by our own !? If we do not like it, we can just leave, close one chapter in order to open a new one? Believe me, I know it hurts very much but by only non stop trying we become the best of ourselves.

As talking about following the crowd, it always scary me when I see unhappy couples, who are together because they share past, moments, its too difficult to break such an ‘amazing’ relation and in older age- children. But the question is, Who are you living for? You have one life, which you have to use and try everything in order to not regret anything. Why would you be so dependent on someone? Why can’t we create a better world by doing good and share good with only the closest relatives and friends? Why is it so hard for us to feel lonely for a bit? It is at the beginning, but then we realize that it actually made us stronger.

I was wondering for the last 2 years, when I got out from this teenage stage

“why don’t I have a bf ?” what is wrong with me?

Then during my internship I met a very old Polish friend with who I went on a party. Of course alcohol sometimes does not help but in this time, it actually broaden my mind. I asked him this question, tipsy, in a party mood and I did not expect any real answer. Nevertheless we started to talk and I will always remember what he said. Please, allow me to quote him

“ Natalia, when I see you, I see such a strong woman, such a strong personality that I am not sure who is able to handle it  (unconsciously). Hearing your life story from the moment you introduce yourself, that you are a world citizen who has been raised abroad. You left to Colombia by yourself when you were 15, when your peers are probably having their first beer in their life but you were “fighting” for life. To be honest, I am not sure who is able to handle that positivity and confidence. But when I see you later, I talk to you, you are the most fragile person I know”

After 10 months of digesting this conversation with my friend I came to the conclusion that everyone has its own mission in life.  Someone is born to make people happy by selling ice creams, someone is born to be a CEO of a big company like Apple, so I can now use my Mac to write this post, and other people, and I feel like I belong to that group is born to open some people eyes on reality. I am not writing anything you do not know, but I am writing something to remind you about that, which you may forget in your busy life.